This is not a post and the cake is a lie.

English is hard:

Ducky: Holy shit are you okay? It was like you were hit with a poleaxe the way you fell.

Me: Yeah, it’s just cramps, I can’t move for a bit so can you go check on dinner? Also polacks? What are you? Racist?

Ducky: No! A poleaxe! Poleaxe! That big axe thing that knight statue is holding on the shelf.

Me: Oh. I see.

Ducky: Next time that happens it will be like a pollock is hitting you.

Me: That axe thing?

Ducky: No. A fish.

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